A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice, brutal laws are impossible.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.